Directions to KG...

So, you head east on Rt. 3 from Fredericksburg until you see the Food Lion (probably the most-often used landmark reference in all of the county!) and you are officially in....Seattle?!?!?! No, silly, it just feels like Seattle since it's rained....every....single....day....this.....YEAR! Anyone else in the tri-state area noticed this phenomenon?! I mean, really?! My grass is out of control and I can't mow the lawn without stalking the front windows, saying to myself, "Yes, that appears to be a break in clouds! Run! Run for the mower! It's time to mow!" Then I cut the grass in about 7.6 minutes and the John Deere is safely tucked away before the next monsoon.
Why the whining? Well, besides the obvious (like my kids can't use one damn thing I bought for their birthdays--bikes, scooters, trampoline!) it also gets in the way of my favorite activity: collecting boxes like a homeless woman for my big move from current KGMS to "new" KGMS (new is in "" because the building is actually older than dirt and 1 coat of paint does not take away that fact).
Everyone knows what happens to cardboard in rain, right? Like a frat boy after too many beers, there's lots of enthusiasm, but floppy results, know what I mean :) So I am frantically running boxes to my car from the basement (or Jen's house, or the Food Lion--there's the reference AGAIN!) and I run with the mindset of a woman getting away from a bomb. I can't get them wet! They will never hold 53 textbooks, or 6 microscopes, or my entire collection of 'Science in your Backyard' posters. I get them in school, away from moisture, and start packing away.
And, on the off chance that we don't end up moving to the "new" school, someone send me sedating meds because I am NOT unpacking 107 boxes of science supplies!

"Better you than me..."

The famous words I hear so often when I inform someone that I teach middle school. The gasps, the sighs, the dramatic eye rolling...was middle school really so bad for so many people? And when you're on the other end of referral, with the power and righteousness, middle school can be damn near awesome.
Growing up, I knew that a good ole "Pro vs. Con" list always worked when making an important decision. Let's use this format for the debate: "What grade should I teach?"
Elementary--> PRO: only 20 kids a day. CON: same 20 kids for 6 straight hours
Middle--> PRO: Kids who can argue a point passionately but still want your approval. CON: Teaching the same lesson 5 times a day can at times make you feel slightly mentally ill. Deja vu? Did I already talk about classification???
High--> PRO: Kids can work by themselves, leaving you hours of internet shopping time. CON: Now the real (as in "permanent record") shit can hit the fan. Skipping school? Fine, we deal. Stole a car while skipping school?....This could look really bad for the teacher who occasionally forgets to take attendance.
When it comes down to it, I know my limits. Elementary school is not for me. Snotty-nosed ankle biters all clambering to get in my lap during story time??? Ever heard of swine flu?! No thank you! And those age-old arguments that I hear out of the catty girl groups when I pick up my daughter from school: "You are SO not my friend! You wouldn't let me carry your back pack! I hate you!" (sob, sob). Here's me in the parking lot: "Hey little girl, don't cry. Here's a nice big bag of papers to grade. You can take it all the way to my car. OK? Feel better?"
And no, I wasn't arrested.

The Next Time I Want To...

Remodel my kitchen, cut off my fingers. If I suggest any remodels of any kind, please take the Sawz-All to all 10 digits and let the games begin. It sounds so good on paper, right? "Oh, my calculations tell me that it will only take around $8000 and just 4 weeks to do the kitchen COMPLETELY!" (spoken with the enthusiasm of someone who has not done a remodel in recent years). In fact, I truly believe that the reason people go back to home improvement projects, even when they were difficult in the past, is the same reason that women who have horrific deliveries continue to have children: all the pain is blocked out and we just see the end result. Case in point:
Jessica: "I'm going to remodel the kitchen. A wall down here, new cabinets there, easy as pie!"
Carrie: "Are you sure? Remember all those problems with the bathroom? And it took, like, 4 more months than you thought it would..."
Jessica: "Hogwash! I will be cooking in that kitchen by Easter! I don't remember having any real issues with the bathroom..."
Carrie: "Selective memory. Look it up, Mrs. F-ing Webster"
But I digress. In a few months, Carrie will have a fabulous little baby girl and will not remember the joys of contractions, non-English speaking nurses, and hospital food. I will end up with a pretty good kitchen--not as cute as a new baby, but certainly cheaper. :)