The Next Time I Want To...

Remodel my kitchen, cut off my fingers. If I suggest any remodels of any kind, please take the Sawz-All to all 10 digits and let the games begin. It sounds so good on paper, right? "Oh, my calculations tell me that it will only take around $8000 and just 4 weeks to do the kitchen COMPLETELY!" (spoken with the enthusiasm of someone who has not done a remodel in recent years). In fact, I truly believe that the reason people go back to home improvement projects, even when they were difficult in the past, is the same reason that women who have horrific deliveries continue to have children: all the pain is blocked out and we just see the end result. Case in point:
Jessica: "I'm going to remodel the kitchen. A wall down here, new cabinets there, easy as pie!"
Carrie: "Are you sure? Remember all those problems with the bathroom? And it took, like, 4 more months than you thought it would..."
Jessica: "Hogwash! I will be cooking in that kitchen by Easter! I don't remember having any real issues with the bathroom..."
Carrie: "Selective memory. Look it up, Mrs. F-ing Webster"
But I digress. In a few months, Carrie will have a fabulous little baby girl and will not remember the joys of contractions, non-English speaking nurses, and hospital food. I will end up with a pretty good kitchen--not as cute as a new baby, but certainly cheaper. :)