Christmas Eve

Kids are so excited about presents! And Cammy's visit!

Best present ever--Snowball the Cat in a stocking :)

Cammy's front door

Cammy's wreath--wanted to show Carrie her Christmas decorations!

Gingerbread Houses!

Oh, what to do on a boring Sunday afternoon? Dig through the pantry for supplies and make gingerbread houses!

Garrett's included a field of pink sprinkles and powdered sugar and has that "condemned" house look he favors.

Caroline's house includes a pink walkway so you know how to get in the house.

(PS-> Believe me, we would have used the $20 kit that Cammy bought for us last year, but the mice mistakenly thought it was theirs. End of story).

Christmas in King George

My beautiful deer...don't shoot! They graze in the front yard each night.

I was desperate for isicle lights this year...just ask my handyman who installed them (Timmy!)

In my snowman collection, this one's my favorite :) Go VT!

The "collection". Not exactly a diehard, but it's pretty good for me!

Our tree. You may notice in the picture that it suffers from an acute case of scoliosis. We prefer to think of it as a "gansta lean". Either way, that tree almost makes a 20 degree bend!

Kids at Maymont Park

Kids, Tim, and I spent a fabulous day at the park (when the weather was much nicer and very dry!). Kids had a good time--Garrett has been there before, but he was a little bitty thing and doesn't remember it. They loved the koi fish pond! Tim and I witnessed a phenomenon that I had not been privy to before: the professional wedding shoot in a public place. This park was crawling with photographers and stazzily dressed couples doing "engagement" photos. Most acted divas that rolled their eyes whenever my kids wanted to drift toward the pond, lest they ruin a her-hand-on-his-chest photo. Fun anyway!

Sea World or Bust!

For my birthday last year, Timmy really outdid himself by taking me to Niagara Falls. I really didn't see how he would do better than that, but then he had the idea of Sea World! I have never, ever been to Shamu-Land and could not wait to visit!

Pumpkin Fun!

If you want to savor the victory of a flame-filled jack o lantern, you gotta roll up those sleeves and dig out all the goo first! Life Lesson #1 for my soft children :)

He Went to...well, Zales!

and bought me the most beautifulest ring in the world (I don't care if that' s not a word!). I have a low-budget camera that can't do resolution to save its memory card, so the picture from the store website will have to do until you see this thing on my ever-lovin' finger! in person!

Summer is officially over :(

How do you know summer is over? Well, that little note on your calendar that says "Start of Fall" on Sept. 21st is helpful, but I always rely on the flier sent from our "home away from home" in the non-school days: Kings Dominion. Yes, that bad-ass pic is me and Timmy slaying ghosts in the Scooby Doo Haunted Mansion, but I digress. The flier we received stated that we could already buy our season passes for next year...for the low-low price of....$75 per person. Last time I checked, the passes I already own are still good til November, so no thanks, Kings Dominion, I will wait for April's paycheck before I buy said passes that can't be used until 2010!
Note to Kings Dominion: It's not your Halloween Haunt event that scares the pants off me...it's your steadily-rising prices, $8 sodas, lack of free parking, and oil slick in the wave pool. Eeeeee-gads!

Yardwork is our Friend

After an exhausting first week at school, what better way to spend the weekend than yard work? I used to have stumps in the front bed that had once resembled "shrubs" (I use the term loosely), so those got pulled out and I put in some new shrubs that have white flowers in spring, red leaves in fall, and stay green the rest of the year. Some snazzy black edging and red mulch and I was in business! The mums have come back with a vengeance and added some much-needed color to the otherwise green yard. And yes, I do have several welcome flags in my front yard, thank you very much. And yes, the one on the left does have bumblebees and says "Bee Happy!" And no, I am not one step away from holiday teacher vests and a bumper sticker that says "My 3 reasons for teaching: June, July, and August!" Gag me now, Lord.
And Timmy has been working like a slave (oh, sorry, not very politically correct--he's been working like a mexican) on the back yard retaining walls. He is valiantly trying to keep the side yard from falling into the walkout basement area, and for now, the score is Timmy 1, Yard 0. These walls are spectacular! Mortar and everything; a girl feels so lucky sometimes. :)

My Partner in Crime

Just in case you didn't know, Baby Girl White turned the big "7" in June! Caroline (or "Weenie" or "Carolina", as we've taken to calling her) is going to be in second grade! Can I just repeat that sentence, please?! I am 30 thirty years old and the parent of a 4th grader and 2nd grader. Heaven help me!
They are growing like weeds, but I gotta tell ya, I'm loving the independence! Now, I get to sleep in on Saturdays because I have children who have been taught (aka "trained") how to get their own Pop Tart and find a decent cartoon on the tv. When I send them out to play in the backyard, I don't have to worry that one or the both will think it's a "creative idea" to play Frogger with Rt. 206 traffic. If I don't hear them in the backyard for a few minutes, it's just because they are busy thinking of something to fight over.
Caroline has lost her two front top teeth, so now she has an adorable gap that makes her lisp all the more noticeable. If fact, it's like a little letter slot--> we had some M&M's the other day, and I told her "Hold your teeth shut and smile!" Then I slid a candy through the slot and she chewed it up, all the while with Timmy and Garrett laughing like loons. My house ain't normal, dammit.

Baby Britton has finally arrived!

And Auntie Jessica could not be happier! She is adorable, and I am not biased just because she is my first niece! I'm feeling like a true aunt since this is the first kid from one of my siblings.
Britton and I spent a whole week together ,but it felt like a hot minute, I swear! The hiccups, the sighs, the explosive diapers, the arm waving, it was all fun! I turned Carrie into an expert Swaddler with a minor in Swaying and Carrie and Josh shuttled me all over OKC for some fantastic (and delicious!) food!

Finally an Aunt!

So my niece Britton August was born on August 2nd and I flew out to OKC the next day! I stayed for a week and enjoyed every minute of it! Britton is the best baby ever--she barely cried, her hiccups were hilarious, and she allowed me to practice my swaddling technique about 32 times a night.
Britton + Auntie Jessica = love @ first sight ;)

New Additions to the Family!

Caroline has been begging for a kitten since....well, before birth, and adopting these kitties miraculously coincided with her 7th birthday, so we went ahead and got them! The kids got the privilege of naming them (with adult input...we were NOT going to live 14 years with cats named Poop and ToiletFart). So, introducing...Buttercup and Snowball! They are brother and sister, though some of their acts tend to imply they are from West Virginia ;)
Now I have a green thumb for outdoor stuff, but my indoor plants are usually a different story. I can't keep a plastic tree from Michael's alive! The fern on the back porch would like to go on record as saying it would like someone to save it...now. So when I finally got the spider plants from Tim's mom to flourish, I was excited. For one thing, it's a gift from the boyfriend's mom...you don't exactly go back for Sunday dinner and say, "Oh, the spider plant sprouts from the plant you had since your wedding day? Well, they kinda died...no, I didn't know I had to water them!" Well, Buttercup had different plans. She proceeded to nap in the plant for the next week. The poor sprouts were crushed and mangled, and in some places where Buttercup got restless, a little chewed up. We put toothpicks in the plant, then nails...nothing worked. So finally I took the plant away, watered it constantly, put it in sunlight, and brought the damn thing back to life! The cats have replaced the plant with any human that makes the mistake of sitting on the couch. There they are....purring, eyes half closed in pleasure, paws kneading your jeans while they slip into your lap, unnoticed....pure genius.
And FYI, you may see various kitty names pop up in the blog. Depending on situation and timing, I tend to yell out a different set of names than Buttercup and Snowball. For example: I was woken up on Friday night with meowing and paws poking in and out from under the bedroom door. You can imagine I was in the best mood EVER since I had just worked 50 hours at nerd camp and Saturday was my ONE morning to sleep in! I got up and worked my way to the kitchen to throw food at them (if you are familiar with my eyesight, you know this is no small feat...I am probably as blind as those animals that live in caves with no light). So what do the cats do? Move to the side, make it easier and quicker for me to get food to the bowl? No, they have some fancy configuration that looks like figure skaters weaving their way in and out of my legs. I stumbled approximately 34 times in a 13 foot hallway, yelling "Move out of the way, Buttermilk! You too SnowShit! I mean it ButterAss and SnowStain, move!"

Garebear & Goats

For anyone not familiar with King George County, picture 5 schools, 4 stoplights, 3 high school graduates (Ha ha!), 2 Food Lions, and 1 little boy with a dream to raise goats. Well, Garrett had a ball the whole 3 months that we entertained goats in our backyard. He participated in the 4-H Show back in May and even earned a 2nd place finish for Sasha in the meat category (which means, in the event she ever becomes a gyro, her meat will be judged by a butcher to be distributed quite evenly over her body). Garrett's 2 goats were bought by Fredericksburg Auto Auction, who resold them to a farm. So for now, I can honestly tell my son that his goats are frolicking about in fields of clover.
(I swear, that goat looks like she's smiling at me).

Goin' Through the Big D and Don't Mean Dallas...

Let's be honest: who doesn't love a great love story...that goes south? Not to be cynical, because by nature I am not, but it's not usually the beautiful decades-long love story that catches my attention. It's the knock down, drag out ones that do. So you got a great tidbit about the aunt and uncle that met at age 7 in a tree and never looked back? Keep it to yourself. You got a great one about the 17 year old your 55 year old uncle is dating who refused to leave when he dumped her, slept on his front porch, and stalked his ex wife? Bring it on.
So, here's your update: almost final. June 6th would have been the big day, but my lawyer is slower than VDOT on a summer day. Some might call her "thorough"; my gut calls her "Slightly incompetent and incapable of taking my calls". So hopefully, in a few weeks, you will all have the privilege of introducing, for the very first time, (said in my wedding DJ voice): "Ms. Jessica White"!
Any by the way: what's your vote? I want to hear opinions that people have about changing the last name or leaving it alone. Gotta say, personally, it was such a hassle the first time 10 years ago!
And finally, with a quote from Zsa Zsa Gabor (Take what you will from this): "I have never hated a man enough to return his diamonds".
Amen, sister.

Note to Self: Optimism is Contagious

So I have to pass along this fantastic quote from Michael Jordan:

"I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game's winning shot...and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

Do you feel it, people? Do you feel that tingle? It's called optimistic and it's catching...pass it on.

Directions to KG...

So, you head east on Rt. 3 from Fredericksburg until you see the Food Lion (probably the most-often used landmark reference in all of the county!) and you are officially in....Seattle?!?!?! No, silly, it just feels like Seattle since it's rained....every....single....day....this.....YEAR! Anyone else in the tri-state area noticed this phenomenon?! I mean, really?! My grass is out of control and I can't mow the lawn without stalking the front windows, saying to myself, "Yes, that appears to be a break in clouds! Run! Run for the mower! It's time to mow!" Then I cut the grass in about 7.6 minutes and the John Deere is safely tucked away before the next monsoon.
Why the whining? Well, besides the obvious (like my kids can't use one damn thing I bought for their birthdays--bikes, scooters, trampoline!) it also gets in the way of my favorite activity: collecting boxes like a homeless woman for my big move from current KGMS to "new" KGMS (new is in "" because the building is actually older than dirt and 1 coat of paint does not take away that fact).
Everyone knows what happens to cardboard in rain, right? Like a frat boy after too many beers, there's lots of enthusiasm, but floppy results, know what I mean :) So I am frantically running boxes to my car from the basement (or Jen's house, or the Food Lion--there's the reference AGAIN!) and I run with the mindset of a woman getting away from a bomb. I can't get them wet! They will never hold 53 textbooks, or 6 microscopes, or my entire collection of 'Science in your Backyard' posters. I get them in school, away from moisture, and start packing away.
And, on the off chance that we don't end up moving to the "new" school, someone send me sedating meds because I am NOT unpacking 107 boxes of science supplies!

"Better you than me..."

The famous words I hear so often when I inform someone that I teach middle school. The gasps, the sighs, the dramatic eye rolling...was middle school really so bad for so many people? And when you're on the other end of referral, with the power and righteousness, middle school can be damn near awesome.
Growing up, I knew that a good ole "Pro vs. Con" list always worked when making an important decision. Let's use this format for the debate: "What grade should I teach?"
Elementary--> PRO: only 20 kids a day. CON: same 20 kids for 6 straight hours
Middle--> PRO: Kids who can argue a point passionately but still want your approval. CON: Teaching the same lesson 5 times a day can at times make you feel slightly mentally ill. Deja vu? Did I already talk about classification???
High--> PRO: Kids can work by themselves, leaving you hours of internet shopping time. CON: Now the real (as in "permanent record") shit can hit the fan. Skipping school? Fine, we deal. Stole a car while skipping school?....This could look really bad for the teacher who occasionally forgets to take attendance.
When it comes down to it, I know my limits. Elementary school is not for me. Snotty-nosed ankle biters all clambering to get in my lap during story time??? Ever heard of swine flu?! No thank you! And those age-old arguments that I hear out of the catty girl groups when I pick up my daughter from school: "You are SO not my friend! You wouldn't let me carry your back pack! I hate you!" (sob, sob). Here's me in the parking lot: "Hey little girl, don't cry. Here's a nice big bag of papers to grade. You can take it all the way to my car. OK? Feel better?"
And no, I wasn't arrested.

The Next Time I Want To...

Remodel my kitchen, cut off my fingers. If I suggest any remodels of any kind, please take the Sawz-All to all 10 digits and let the games begin. It sounds so good on paper, right? "Oh, my calculations tell me that it will only take around $8000 and just 4 weeks to do the kitchen COMPLETELY!" (spoken with the enthusiasm of someone who has not done a remodel in recent years). In fact, I truly believe that the reason people go back to home improvement projects, even when they were difficult in the past, is the same reason that women who have horrific deliveries continue to have children: all the pain is blocked out and we just see the end result. Case in point:
Jessica: "I'm going to remodel the kitchen. A wall down here, new cabinets there, easy as pie!"
Carrie: "Are you sure? Remember all those problems with the bathroom? And it took, like, 4 more months than you thought it would..."
Jessica: "Hogwash! I will be cooking in that kitchen by Easter! I don't remember having any real issues with the bathroom..."
Carrie: "Selective memory. Look it up, Mrs. F-ing Webster"
But I digress. In a few months, Carrie will have a fabulous little baby girl and will not remember the joys of contractions, non-English speaking nurses, and hospital food. I will end up with a pretty good kitchen--not as cute as a new baby, but certainly cheaper. :)

Home Wrecker or Life Saver?

So, I was thinking, it's all about your mind set. How you get through a day of work, decide what's for dinner, tolerate a 6 year old picking out socks, whatever, it's all about how you approach the situation.

For example: My students at school can drive me nuts on a daily basis. Run over my foot with a tractor, and that will be a better day than some of my days at school. Recently, my students all caught a case of amnesia (it must be wide spread; other collegues complained of the same phenomenon): they all "forgot" to be in their seats and quiet when the bell rang. Now, I'm understanding and patient. It's only the 29th week of school; maybe they haven't gotten the routine yet? I had a decision to make: yell my head off (negative) or approach the situation with humor (positive). So I went for the good stuff: I held up a timer and hit the button. The kids looked at me like I was nuts, which caused them to stop chatting about who was texting what to whom. I announced "Very good, only took 12 seconds to be quiet. But you did not win. First period got quiet in 3.8 seconds. What a pity. We'll try again tomorrow". They were silent; it was victory!

Which brings me to my final statement on positive thinking. In a recent conversation, I referred to my almost-ex-husband's girlfriend as "Homewrecker" (I don't have the advantage of remembering her name every time I check out my shoulder!). My man pointed out to me:" Stop calling her Homewrecker. Her new name is "the best thing that ever happened to you". So true. Point taken.

Love for a Lifetime...

So, you want to show your one true love that she has captured your soul? What do you do? Propose? No. Have her move into your house for some homebound bliss? Not special enough. No, you are cunning. You are an individual. You want to do something that screams "I have never felt this way before and I love you!" You....well, here's how the story goes.

(All names have been changed to protect the idiotic). Rick and Gema have been together for what seems like a lifetime (about 10 months). They met during an idllyic time: he acting single while still married, her with 2 toddlers. Beer flowed, sneaking around occurred, and before you could say "separation", we have a new couple! Only a wife didn't know about it, never got the whole story either, but I digress. Rick thought to himself, 'How do I show Gema that I think this is a permanent situation? That she is my one and only?' What else? Name tattoo.

Note to audience: Fill in the blanks. Put two and two together. And know that this story, while sad, is true. Which is probably the most disappointing part of it all. You can't save someone from themselves.

Living in a Paradox...

and no, I don't mean two piers, thank you. (get it?! pair-o-docks?!) Why is it that when I run out to Food Lion in my worst, paint-covered, food-smeared, too tight top band sweatpants, giant "I recently had gastric" looking sweatshirt and SLIPPERS, that's when I run into a student or ten and their hot dads?!?! Seriously, you cannot win this phenomenon. When I get really gussied up, like a night on the town or a "I will drink the 30 year old right out of me" outing with da ladies from work, that's when I run into the Mormon parents that I had a conference with the day before. So....either I am a slob or a slut. There is no in-between when you live in a small county.

Sasha (n.): A female goat who has an old soul and kind eyes. She often looks at you with that "I know exactly what you're saying" expression.

Amber: (n.) A goat with sunshiney eyes who gets scared when the neighbor's dog barks. Also describes a female goat who follows the crowd instead of making her own path

Virginia is for Lovers...WV is for lovers within a family tree

So Carrie thinks she's leaving us, huh? Well, the sad goat says otherwise! It just hasn't been the same since Carrie left the great state of VA. We need her back, right? So with a heavy heart and a tear in my eye, we will be saying goodbye to Carrie, hub, and baby dog, but I know that they will return to the great state one day! Really, Carrie not live next to an ocean??? Really?!?!

And only a plane trip away, and I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon (probably not very close to OK, but closer than a trip from Va, right?).

Kitchen Chaos

So 10 inches of snow on the ground, 2 new goats, and what do I decide to do? Tear out my kitchen. Did the last one do its job? Absolutely. Was it functional? Absolutely. Was it ugly as sin? Absolutely.

Yea! My cabinets are going to be ready early....as in 20 days. So my hardwood floor is in splintery pieces in a nice pile on my carport and I' m sure my neighbors love the "my house threw up all belongings in the front yard" look. Nothing says "lazy previous owners" like FIVE layers of linoleum in the kitchen! Really, what does it take to remove a layer of blue flowered 70's flooring? Apparently, more muscle than existed in my house.

I like to be original, so while everyone else is saving money during the recession, I'm ordering maple cabinets and debating pros and cons of quartz versus granite.

Where Did Your Goats Get Their Lovely Names?

So, you may be asking yourself...where did your goats get their lovely names? Did a fashion-forward farmer attach these monnikers to your little animals before you received them off the back of a "farm use only" vehicle? Heavens, no! Amber and Sasha got their names from a little 8 year old with a dream and a bag of goat feed...Garrett.
Garrett though of these names on his own. I wanted to point out that some women of low character (a.k.a.--streetwalkers) sometimes use these names, and while visiting various establishments near the WV line during my years at Tech, some girl "dancers" were graced with these names. But I left that alone. And the names stuck.
You should see me....I am a disaster with the girls! I coo to them from the back porch, especially when Sasha jumps up on her goat house and sticks her nosy head through my screen windows. I talk in a nice, soothing voice when I bring them feed at dawn, then turn around & give a biting, sarcastic answer to Tim if he asks for a bottle of water. I have no shame....I am in love with my goat girls!

Can You Blame a Girl for Going Crazy in this County???

King George County...a place to find a job, meet new people, maybe discover love, and definitely enjoy a lack of zoning laws! When goats bleeting in your backyard replace your alarm clock on Saturdays, you have arrived at country life.
So what kind of insane person moves into a new house, changes her status box on her IRS forms from "Married" to "Separated", finds a new and amazing man, moves him into her house, rips out a perfectly functional, if not particularly attractive, kitchen, and then adds two goats to the mix...meet Jessica :)